Four years ago, my longtime friend Mac took his own life following a failed drawn-out treatment for a brain tumor. It was a shock to all of us. That’s the grim part. The good news is that today, every time I mow or walk in a portion of my lawn, I now think of Mac and the good times we had as friends growing up. And it’s all thanks to a tree.
Mac’s commemorative tree, a bald cypress, will always remind me of the good times we shared.
Photo Credit: Bosh Bruening
Years later, Mac’s bald cypress is growing strong.
Photo Credit: Bosh Bruening
This magnolia has become a special “picture spot” for my family.
Photo Credit: Mary Bruening
The day I heard the sad news about Mac, I was calling on a garden center that sold mostly new introduction plants online. Mike Shade, the owner, told me about a new bald cypress he was introducing from China, where itfs grown and sold by the millions. He gave me a starter plant about 18 inches tall to take home and put in the ground. Later that evening, I heard the news about Mac. After my initial shock, I decided my new bald cypress would forever be Mac’s tree.
Enter the idea of a commemorative grove in communities around the country. (I’ve been pushing the idea for a commemorative tree registry for the nursery industry for a while now.) One such prominent grove, dedicated to President Lyndon Baines Johnson, is located across the Potomac from the tidal basin in Washington, DC. This grove was the idea of Lady Bird Johnson, the mother of highway beautification, as well as the woman responsible for a resurgence in wildflowers in our country.
I’ve been enchanted by commemorative trees because these majestic plants can be planted for so many wonderful reasons, including births, anniversaries, family reunions, graduations and, as in my case with Mac, to remember a dear friend. In fact, a few years back, my family planted a commemorative tree at our home in honor of one of our granddaughters graduating from her Montessori school to move on to Kindergarten. It was a big deal for her – and a big deal for our family.
We chose our landscape for Maggie’s tree because, like many other families, Maggie’s might not be staying at their particular home long enough to enjoy the tree for a lifetime. The way families move around now chasing careers, not to mention upsizing or downsizing, a tree could be planted in what could soon become someone else’s yard.
After my parents died a few years ago, we suggested that in place of flowers for the service people make donations for a commemorative grove in their little town in Missouri, located in a corner of a nice park. Anyone who wants to make a long-lasting remembrance of an occasion or person can have a tree planted in similar groves in their area. (Many parks now have commemorative tree groves.)
Or, if you’ve got the room, you can keep planting in your own landscape. Three years ago, we added a Magnolia stellata to our property. My wife Rose had been asking our daughters Mary and Ann for a star magnolia as a Mother's Day gift for two or three years before they finally took the hint and visited a nursery to pick one out (which I planted, naturally). Now every year when the tree is blooming around Mother’s Day, we take family pictures with the magnolia in the background. And just as I remember Mac when I pass his bald cypress, every time I mow or walk near our magnolia I think of my daughters and their thoughtful gift.
More recently, my granddaughter Maggie and I planted a chestnut from the small village in Germany my family came from 200 years ago. Then my granddaughter Lil and I planted a red horse chestnut together. I think of those kids, too, every time I see their two trees. Warm, fuzzy thoughts, all.
So call me sentimental – I’m comfortable with that. Memorial Day seems like a fitting time to consider the special events and people in our lives worthy of memorializing – or better yet, commemorating. I know every time I work or just walk in my yard and I see my bald cypress, I have only good thoughts about Mac – and always will.
